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If you haven’t messaged me for the address of the NEW BLOG yet please do (:
…or if I haven’t replied to you then please ask again :)
<3
So I haven’t posted on here for ages. Too many people know about this blog so it’s difficult to be honest here.
I’m moving to another blog site (not Tumblr) where I’ll keep on writing about what’s been going on.
If you want to have a look (or give me some advice) drop me a message and I’ll give you the address :)
See you on the other side! <3 x
How do I help her?
in-certamine asked: Wow, your daughter is simply amazing, as are you for being so caring and considerate of her feelings <3 I wish my mother would be as understanding as you.
Hey, sorry, I’ve been away for a while. Thank you (: <3
I hope your mother finds a way to understand x
How do I help her?
p--oesia asked: I just read you most recent post, and I wanted to say that you and your daughter are amazing, loving people.... and you both have so much to be proud of. <3
Awww thank you :)
I’m very proud of her. She’s doing SO well and still hasn’t cut.
<3 xxx
I haven’t posted anything in a long while.
This is partly because things got so bad and partly because I knew people had found this blog and it was affecting what I wrote.
I’m still not sure what to write about that time since we came back from our little holiday. There was a lot of cutting, a lot of rows, a lot of tension, a lot of intensity and a lot of control.
My daughter was being pushed and pulled in too many directions and having a lot of pressure put on her to show people that she loves them. I tried to help her see how to deal with these situations but it became a contest between the other person and me. I ended up being forced to do the same pushing and pulling which just made things worse.
Then over Easter, she did something that any normal teenager would do and got in trouble with me like any normal teenager would. We had a row about it…
The same day the other person provided her with a very sharp razor, told her how horrible I am and told her to cut more and to cut deeper if I said anything to her that she didn’t like. They told her that if I wouldn’t let her cut then she should run away to their house where she would be safe to cut.
As you all know, I wouldn’t take her blades away from her or stop her from cutting but this blade was very sharp and dangerous. She cut herself pretty badly with it and I took it away.
When I saw all the things the person was saying I knew it had to stop. Her phone was already broken so I didn’t need to take that away (although I would have). I took away her internet access and told her she was not to have any contact with the person.
It’s a whole lot more complicated than that but some of it is not my business to write.
She was devastated for a couple of days but then she started seeing old friends, people she hadn’t seen for ages. She realised that she can have fun with other people and that she still has lots of friends.
It was really hard because she desperately missed the person but she realised that they were not good for each other. She very quickly started becoming herself again and started to change her style. She started listening to different music and dressing differently. It was like she remembered who she was as an individual.
The other person has done the same thing and is busy finding himself and becoming a new person. They want to start seeing each other again as they are feeling much better. I allowed them to see each other for a couple of hours yesterday and may let them talk online occasionally but I still feel that they need to spend a lot of time apart to work on themselves.
She has not cut since the day I took the internet and feels that she never will again. She no longer loves her cuts and scars and wants them to go. She has started treating them with a scar reducing oil. She no longer hides them, she doesn’t care if people see them because she feels it is in her past, not something to be kept a big dark secret. She has to be a bit careful at school because although she doesn’t mind and people who are used to seeing cuts will be fine, they are pretty horrific to someone who has never been exposed to that sort of thing.
I think we become desensitized, especially those people on Tumblr!
I’m not going to say that everything is fine and she will never cut again. I know we’ve been here before but it feels different this time.
We’ll see…
How do I help her?
Anonymous asked: Post something!! Pleaseee! i love reading your blog but you haven't posted in ages :(
I will! I will! :)
xx
How do I help her?
cakemann-deactivated20120416 asked: Haven't seen a post in a while. Is everything going ok?
Hey,
Thank you for thinking of us x
Things are not so good at the moment. Well, they got really bad and now (fingers crossed) they’re getting better.
I’ll probably update soon…might take a while though!
:) x
hi!
i really love you blog, its inspiring and i hope she gets good help! <3
Edit: Hey, thank you :D xxx <3
How do I help her?
Anonymous asked: This is probably going to sound quite weird, but does your daughter know about your Tumblr? An by the way, I think you're an amazing mum for all your doin to help your daughter :)
Hey, sorry for the late reply, we’ve been away and then our internet got cut off :(
She knows about it but she chooses not to read it :)
Things got worse and there was a lot of pressure on her. She wasn’t coping well with it so I decided to drop everything and take her away for a few days. We are staying in a caravan near the sea and a massive forest full of wild ponies. We’re going to take a few long walks with the dogs and do some fun stuff. She loves wolves and I’ve found a place near here that has some so that’s what we’ll be doing today. She is constantly on her phone though which kind of defeats the object of getting away from it all. I feel like we’ve brought everyone with us. I just want her to relax and not have to think about everything that’s going on at home but she can’t do that if she gets reminded by text every five minutes. I wish people could understand that she needs a break and put her needs before their own.
How do I help her?
Anonymous asked: What do you mean a new level of cutting? Deeper?
No, I mean a new place. Her arms and legs and tummy are full. She started cutting her chest :(
So we’ve had a pretty bad couple of days. After the visit to the doctors she was quite upset and cut quite bad.
Yesterday some bad things happened to someone she loved. Him being so upset upset her. I knew this so even though I was pretty tired I suggested we watch a film together. When it finished I couldn’t keep my eyes open, it was pretty late.
She went off to bed and I knew because she was still talking to the person via text that all was not well. What could I do?
She said that she must keep her phone on because the conversation was important. There was nothing I could do but get some sleep.
As I thought, when I went in to wake her this morning there was blood everywhere and a new level of cutting had been reached. She got herself showered and ready and I took her to school. When we arrived she said she just couldn’t cope today, she couldn’t get out of the car and go in. She was so worried about the person she had been talking to that she couldn’t even function.
I took her to spend the day with her grandmother and her cousins. This can’t continue.
I’m submitting because this will be way too long to put into an ask. When I first started cutting, I was in 8th grade. It was August 2006. I can still remember the first time I cut. John Mayer was playing on tv, he was on the Today show that morning, and I had missed my bus for school yet again. I remembered Elle, a character from the show Degrassi, she used various things to cut herself, including a razor blade. I knew were some was in our house. I grabbed the blade, and the first time I cut, it hurt, but oddly, I liked the pain. I don’t know why.
I began to cut for a lot of reasons. Things had been boiling inside of me for a lot of years, and I guess I just started to take it out on myself. I was a self injurer for 5 1/2 years. In December of 2011, I stopped. I don’t even know why or how. I just did. I had had enough, and in the course of those 5 years, 2 of those had sent fear and worry into my mother. It took me a long time to realize that when I cut I not only hurt myself, but her as well.
I would cut when I was highly pissed off. Unable to voice how I felt, I would turn those feelings inward on myself. As if I somehow deserved the pain. I have co-dependent disorders, an eating disorder, depression, and self injury.
I am now in recovery from all three. It’s been 3 months since I’ve last cut, and I haven’t done that since middle school. I am now 18. In the last 5 years, I have never gone more than 2 weeks without cutting, so I have come a long way.
I still get urges to sometimes, but thankfully enough, the last few months haven’t been strong urges. I can usually pass an urge by writing. That is a wonderful outlet for me. Or I exercise, go for a walk, anything to clear my mind. Listen to music. I just try to do something constructive.
I’m not sure what the situation is with your daughter. I just recently found your blog. But please know that if you ever need to vent, want to talk to someone, or have any questions, I am always here. I do believe that recovery from self injury is possible. It’s hard, as anything in life is, but it is possible and it can happen. It’s just a matter of getting the right help and identifying the triggers as to why your daughter cuts and what she can replace cutting with, hopefully something constructive.
I’m always here if you need any help or have any questions.
Edit: Hey, thank you so much for sharing your story. It’s great to hear that recovery is possible. It’s long road, I know that now but we’ll get there!
I think you’re right, it’s very important to find other ways to cope. She likes to write, paint, listen to music and sing…she’s very talented ;) I think it would be good for her to find a form of exercise that she likes.
Thank you for your support, I really appreciate it <3 xxx
Well tonight has been horrible.
I went in to see her, she had been using paint on her hands to paint her bedroom wall. There was paint on the floor and she needed to move some things off her bed. She didn’t want to move.
She tried to use the, ‘I’ll do it when you’ve gone’ argument because she doesn’t like to do things in front of me. Because the paint was drying on the floor I said, ‘No, do it now’.
It turned out that she didn’t want to get up because she was in pain and was worried that I would see because I had interrupted her cutting. She wanted to clean it up before she showed me, I could tell it was bad by the way she was acting and talking. I needed to see it so I gave her the antiseptic.
She has cut all way across her tummy, no skin is not marked.
She told me to go away, she wanted to be alone. It felt wrong to go so I refused. I just hugged her. I know I’ll get abuse in my inbox but I cried. I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it. then she cried and said she doesn’t want to be alone any more. I don’t know if she means in general or tonight but she came in to my room and we watched her favorite dvd.
The dvd has finished now and she has gone back to her room to sleep. I hope she does. Now I’m super tired again and won’t get much work done tomorrow. I can’t even explain how sleep deprivation affects me because I am so busy keeping up appearances and working hard all day. I’m writing my dissertation and it takes a lot of brain power which I just don’t have right now. It’s 5 weeks till my deadline and I’m so far behind.
There’s nothing I can do except cope though because she comes first every time.
